Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
