It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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