Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
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Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
