got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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