Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
