They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
