Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
