Already got asked if we're dating
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
