Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
