You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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