He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
