the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
