Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
