You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
