i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
