Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
