I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
