The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
