does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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