Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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