I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
