I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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