The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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