i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
