Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This baby is an asshole
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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