So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
