I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
