Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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