What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
