He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
