Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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