If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
