MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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