Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
