at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We have started to decorate penises.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
