Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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