Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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