Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
