How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
