my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
