i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
