if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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