dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
