this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
