I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
