So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
