that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
