I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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