he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
