Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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