a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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