3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we made out on top of his cat.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
